Ha! Fooled you!
I never thought that at my age I’d be sitting up here in a house that I don’t want, by myself, with nowhere to go due to outrageous gas prices, spending the entire day channel surfing for something decent to watch on my basic cable in order to occupy my time. When I was a teenager I am sure I didn’t imagine this life. When I was in my 20’s, I obviously didn’t imagine this life. Could it have been so long ago that I don’t know if I had EVER imagined what my life was going to be? I guess so. I don’t think I like this growing old thing. Gonna have a problem with it! Not that 45 is old, but being 45, in an unhappy situation and the future looking to be a bit bleak with how the world is nowdays, I feel too old to be wondering what the hell I’m supposed to be doing or where I’m supposed to be. I’m happy for people who are exactly where they want to be or intended to be. I don’t wish this stress upon anyone, well, maybe, ok, no one. That’s another thing, I’m not impressed with what my situation has turned me into. I used to be more nice, carefree, stronger with a more positive approach and positive outlook, but I’m slowly thinking that I’m being beaten by the game of life. I can only speak for myself here. I know there are people out there with bigger problems than mine, who have life threatening illnesses to contend with and more, but I need to look out for myself as well. I wish I could help others in some way, but I seem to be unwillingly consumed with helping myself at the moment.
It scares me the way life in the United States seems to be going. Every time I tune into the cable news networks it gets worse every day. The gas prices, fuel oil prices, food prices, everything is getting out of control and it feeds into our everyday lives as to how we are supposed to cope with these changes. How is one person with one income supposed to deal with the climate (fuel/propane/snowplowing/roof shoveling) and rising costs of pretty much everything? If this is a test, I’m not so sure I’m going to pass this one. The unknown, which is scary in itself, is even more frightening with the daily bad news of the housing market, fuel, all of the above mentioned issues. How does one survive this? It’s a hell of a test for sure.
As I sat here one night with my one living room lamp on and a hurricane lamp (for ambiance) while watching television, I had to laugh. It struck me all of a sudden that perhaps I could have saved on my electric bill for the winter by using ONLY hurricane lamps for lighting instead of any electric lighting. A few months ago I mixed up a batch of home made laundry soap, which by the way works like a charm and has saved me loads of money in not having to purchase store bought detergent. But, why should I have stopped there? I have an electric kerosene heater that I used as an additional heat source, why not have 2 or 3? Right now electric is cheaper than kerosene for heat which is at almost $5 per gallon. It got me to thinking of how people lived in the “old” days before electricity and heating fuel. It’s sad to have to think like that, but at the same time I found it humerous that in this modern day of technology, I’m trying to figure out how to live as close to the same way as in the old days as possible. I think my new attitude is going to be: Whatever Works.
Off to mix up a batch of dishwashing liquid….
